The Two Solitudes

The guidelines for a Ph.D. in political ‘science’ at McMaster University stipulate that the dissertation should be 60 0000 words in length. With this fact looming ever larger I have had to make the choice to leave what a friend refers to as my “smiley expat universe” for the time being. I am heading back to the Institute on Globalization and the Human Condition to take stock of the information I have collected over the past six months, throw myself into the literature and get down to drafting. With only a few more interviews to complete before hopping on a flight to what could be just a little bit of a culture shock, I have been thinking quite a bit about the costs and benefits of this choice.

Here in Dakar I have been living my life in a new language. In a sense this experiment has been liberating. Though limited by my tiny vocabulary, I have been able to articulate my real feelings about issues and let my true personality shine through without inhibition. The freedom of this new world is slightly addictive. Growing up in officially bilingual Canada I had basically zero interest in learning French. Through immersing myself in Senegal’s people and its baguettes, street art, poetry and sunshine, I have put an end to my insularity. This of course has partly been of necessity: the legacy of France’s colonial era policy of assimilation is overwhelming. For example, I was actually quite perturbed yesterday when I went to buy a bottle of water (itself a political act) and the vendor did not speak French! However, the generosity of my hosts and the insights of my colleagues at ENDA Diapol have been equally powerful motivators as I have attempted to drag myself out of my Anglophone cave. French-language CBC programming, here I come….

In general, the Senegalese are truly beautiful and exude happiness despite the sad reality that they continue to be what some refer to as the country’s “principal export.” Even so, during my runs from Ouakam down to the coast my interactions with them have not always been positive. During my first weeks here I remained preoccupied with work or lost in other thoughts when I hit the road, and as a consequence, dodging sheep dung, horse-drawn carriages and big Mercedes was a serious challenge. Public buses and private vehicles ceaselessly seemed to veer in my direction and I found myself constantly having to move further off to the side of the roads and into the deep sand of the shoulders. Admittedly, this was mostly my fault. Being part of a toubab minority that constitutes less than 1% of the population, my inattentive presence in running gear on the roads was distracting and novel. These days when I run I endeavor to be aware of my surroundings and typically find that I have a big smile plastered on my face. As a result, my experiences en route are increasingly enjoyable. Making eye contact and flashing a genuine smile seems to disarm people that have a lot of hospitality in their hearts.

On the surface then, it appears that my decision to leave this place will cost me a fantastic lifestyle. In one week my daily post-run doses of sunshine while stretching (and dancing) under the neighbourhood baobab tree will come to an end. I will also have to forgo a search for the two ultimate expat comforts: the perfect motorcycle and the ideal open-air rooftop apartment. The opportunity costs of staying to pursue these dreams are too high at this point. This is the case not simply because going home means that I will not wreck any more pairs of underwear through my vain efforts to wash my clothes by hand, or that I will once again have access to organic veggies and a hardcopy my beloved Financial Times. Staying now would necessarily entail falling apart from the very people and the place that gave me the means to pursue this research adventure in the first place. It is absolutely essential that I return to give back to the community that provided me with the keys to pursue work that – as these pages attest – has honestly enabled a voyage of self-discovery. Moreover, being present at McMaster now will not only ensure that I reap gains from being proximate to top minds in the fields of globalization studies and political economy, but also give me an incentive to perform efficiently: the vision of a returning to sub-Saharan Africa and making a difference.